Here's Looking At You, Kid!

Why I Could Never Be a Baseball Pitcher

by

The Mom of a Baseball Pitcher

I've come to realize that being a pitcher and 

doing so in front of many people,

just might be enough

to send me

over the

edge.

First of all, pitching in front of 3,000 people,

(2,950 of those being opposing fans 

many of whom are yelling rude, obnoxious

things at you specifically because they are

trying to get under your skin,)

WOULD get under my skin.

How do you tune that out?

And, you've got to try to ignore all that, 

AND watch for the catcher's sign, keep an eye

on the runners, possibly try to pick 

off the runner at the coach's say-so,

and get the ball where it's suppose to go.

Umm, I would still be stuck on the

rude guy who's yelling at me.

I also might cover my eyes after I threw the ball,

or look away, cause that's what I do sometimes

when my son makes the pitch.

I just get too nervous.

The coach probably wouldn't like that.

I also throw like a girl.  

Hurling the fast ball at an unnatural speed

would only apply to me if you call

30 mph unnatural.

Evidently, I would 

have to remember which way to hold that little ball...

where to place my fingers according 

to how fast and where I wanted it to go.

Uh uh....

sorry, but I know one way to hold it,

wrap all my fingers around it 

and give it my best sissy-arm throw.

My fielders would expect me to know

what base to throw that ball to

anytime it came toward me...

already have it in my mind

{roll it up, send it home, etc.)

Are you kidding me?

I have enough to worry about right now, thank you.

And...it might show on the 

scoreboard that it's 109 degrees outside,

and those of you who know how much

I hate to be hot,

know that would already hack me off 

before I even got started.

I don't like to sweat.

And I see how those guys have a little problem

with the extra paraphernalia they have to wear,

(you know, in front,)

and how it can cause a few slight problems

with the heat and all.

THEY don't mind touching it in front of everyone.

I'm thinking I would.

I would NOT want to 

wear a hot, polyester baseball uniform

with long socks and heavy shoes

to pitch my best-

In hot weather.

I'd lobby for linen suits,

and lightweight sandals

(with cleats, of course.)

I WOULD like the part at the end of the game
when they wrap my arm with ice-
I'd request a full- body ice wrap, though.

And lastly,

when I had played my best,

possibly come from behind,

watched my team give it their all,

and we still lost the game,

I don't think it would be cool

to show the ugly-cry face to

everyone who was there.

And I would definitely

have the ugly cry...

That's why I'm just the mom of a baseball pitcher.

And if I seem a little too proud of him sometimes,

now you know why.

Here's looking at you, kid!

(I'm going to go get a manicure.)

©2011tbowenblog