It’s Not That

It’s not that I’m lonely -

I have my family. We are close.

I have so many wonderful friends. 

I have places to go to be with people.  I’m getting out more. 

I enjoy being at home. It’s my peaceful place. 

It’s not that I’m lonely but that I miss HIM. Every moment of every day. 

It’s not that I can’t find things to do-

I enjoy my grandgirls. 

I enjoy my church activities. 

I enjoy writing.

I enjoy helping and doing for others.

I enjoy reading and watching some tv and looking at social media.

I enjoy shopping and decorating.

I enjoy my quiet time and devotional time. 

I enjoy being with my family and friends.

It’s not that I can’t find things to do - it’s just that I can never again do any of those things with HIM. 

It’s not that I can’t take care of myself - 

I am a hard worker. 

I am willing to give it a try.

I have God as my strength.

I am determined and don’t give up easily. 

I am resourceful and know how to find resources to help me. 

I believe where there’s a will, there’s a way. 

I take pride in accomplishing things. 

It’s not that I can’t take care of myself - it’s that HE’S never going to take care of me again. 

It’s not that I don’t know how to grieve-

I pray. 

I cry hard.

I battle through the hard waves of sadness.

I scream sometimes!

I read of ways to get through it from others who’ve grieved hard before me. 

I listen to others who have already walked my path. 

I accept the challenges brought on by current poor sleep and eating habits, not being mentally sharp and alert yet, feeling physically weaker, or giving much care to how I look. I know it will get better.

It’s not that I don’t know how to grieve - it’s just that I know I will always grieve him because I will always love HIM!

                                         Tammy Bowen